Scattered

Our parts have felt so scattered lately, and we’ve had some new and different experiences, ones we’ve just wanted to push away and dismiss as life being “as it is,” and denying our DID and our parts. But as we are learning, that doesn’t work. Because when our parts are pushed away or silenced, they often get more distressed and upset, and we don’t really understand  what’s going on. We’ve had feelings and emotions that feel nothing like ours, and we know aren’t ours. They usually come completely of the blue, which is so disorientating. They are feelings that have brought tears, distess sadness, and sometimes laughter. It’s so disconcerting when you have no idea why you feel like you do. These feelings can, though, calm a little when our parts are met with curiosity, compassion, and validation, rather than being ignored. It seems that learning to be curious and compassionate about these shifts is the beginning of acknowledging and offering comfort to soothe and meet their pain, sadness, needs, and feelings. These moments are small and nuanced and are there to be noticed. We are learning that our real progress happens in these many small moments of noticing, listening, and gently responding. None of this is easy or linear, and it requires us to have a constant willingness to acknowledge and invest in our collective. Small steps forwards,  backwards, and sideways seem to be par for the course. We keep trying, though, despite the effort it can take to keep going. The realisation that only we can do this is sometimes so heavy to carry, and sometimes it’s hard to keep your head up with something that feels like a constant battle 🐧